A major factor in successful dating is how average to how very different you are compared to everyone else. Of course, many of us believe we are not average. But, about 68.2% of the population is average, that is, there is very little variation among them in terms of intelligence, wealth, power, creativity, beauty, success, or however you want to measure being average. Statistically, they are within one standard deviation from the mean (middle).
Average people don’t have any problem finding other average people to date. Out of 10 persons, you will randomly date 7 of them will probably be average. If you include below average (2 standard deviations from the mean), though this does not mean dysfunctional or disabled or in more pc terms “challenged” in some way, then another 13.6% of the population can be added.
This means if you are above average (between one and two standard deviations above the mean) or higher, then 81.8% of your dates are average or below average. If you are in the superior range, two to three standard deviations from the mean, then at least 95.5% of all possible dates (including the highly dysfunctional) are below you. This signifies that out of 100 people you randomly date meet 96 will not match your superior range. It gets even worse if you’re in the very superior range: 997 people out of 1000 that you meet will be below your very superior range.
Dating Apps work Great for the Average Person
The more different you are from the average, then the less likely are you going to find someone who matches you. The very different or the anomalous find it especially difficult to find someone as different as they are from the average. On the other hand, the average to below-average has an 81.8% chance of finding someone also average or below average. Dating apps work especially well for them.
The problem with dating or being in a relationship with someone lower in the bell-shaped curve that you will eventually find yourself bored, not understood and so in conflict or loneliness because they don’t get you, or always waiting because they cannot keep up with your speed (a major factor in intelligence).
People who are more average have the opposite problem with people higher up: They are intimidated by the those higher than them, though they may show admiration; they get into arguments because they don’t get what the higher up person is saying; they feel often ignored because the person higher is more attracted to others or things more stimulating, etc.
Most dating apps are made for average people, which is why average people don’t have a difficult time finding someone to date on them, but above average do. Depending on how above average you are random dating will be frustrating.
Contrary to their marketing, dating apps provide little more than a virtual bar or meeting place to meet dates based on some similarities, such as liking to hike or drink coffee, or because the way the person has marketed themselves, which can be quite misleading even when the person is being as truthful as possible. Dating apps cannot tell you why someone matched based on any of the matching variables they use. They can’t do this because there is no feedback to the matching platform which could tell them which among a plethora of variables or algorithms resulted in a date or in a sustained relationship. Matching apps are thus just a random way to meet someone where other people congregate—in this case the virtual world of the app. Matching apps are not scientific nor do they have any meaningful evidence to support their claims.
How do the anomalous (not average) find partners?
If they are very lucky, they find randomly someone at the same level, though this is very unlikely. They hang around venues where people higher are present. This improves the odds, for example, a person in medical school dates another person in medical school. They focus only on looks or athleticism and cope with all the other disappointments. In a sense, they use the money to “buy” the relationship.
My advice to the anomalous. When you find someone anomalous like you, though that anomalous might be different, try your best to make it work--persevere. The odds of you finding someone else similar in a broad sense of being anomalous is extremely poor. In this last regard, dating apps are made for the average and the average are the most successful with them.
Still, the degree of averageness or anomalousness is but one major factor. Can you overcome the Mythology of Chemistry? Can you work through your personality and behavioral issues with someone, so you truly complement one another? Those are further questions and challenges that you have to overcome.
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