Like astrology signs, everyone has a basic or a combination of personality types. Unlike astrology, these are scientifically based and researched.
There are 14 personality styles. Each of these types can be at the Mature, Neurotic, or Personality Disordered level (so it can get complicated). For example, you can have someone who has a narcissistic style at a mature level—charming, self-confident but still caring about others—while at the personality disordered, the narcissistic style is grandiose, entitled, nonempathic, and egocentric. At the psychotic level, the fragmentation of the self is so severe that a cohesive personality type is not possible. At the psychotic level there are three types: disorganized, delusional, or a combination of the two.
1. Are You basically Self-Oriented or Relationship-Oriented
A. If both are self-oriented:
Positive: They can help each other in their respective careers and enjoy each other’s self-expressiveness.
Negative: They are in a power struggle of who is in control and who dominates, resulting in aggressive conflicts
B. If both are relationally-oriented:
Positive: They can both be compassionate with each other and support each other emotionally and socially.
Negative: They can get highly enmeshed, unable to individuate or be separate, and not get much done.
C. One is self-oriented and the other relationally-oriented
Positive: They complement each other’s strengths and can provide for the other what the other has difficulty with.
Negative: If they are extremely different in their self and relational orientation, this can cause major conflict.
2. Your Dominant Personality Style
People can have more than one, but usually there is a hierarchy in how pronounced or pervasive each of them is. While every style may in some specific situation be expressed, what we are looking for here is the dominant style(s) that are expressed most of the time.
There is no wrong or correct match in personality styles. You need to recognize your strengths and weaknesses and your date’s/partner’s in terms of your respective personality styles and determine if those comparative styles are workable and whether they lead to a rewarding match. In general, the more extreme the style, the more difficulty the relationship. The best relationships are about adaptation, adjustment, compromise, and coping, not rigidity, my-way-or-the-highway, inflexibility, and intolerance. Still, in a good match the weight should be on the positive and not the negative. As relationships develop, hurdles and obstacles and conflicts will inevitably occur.
A. Self-Oriented Personality Styles
Indiffferent (May be evident in Spectrum Personalities like Asperger’s and Autism; difficulty understanding or expressing emotion or empathy)
Narcissistic (focused on career or self-expression; self- confident and self-focused)
Turbulent (forceful and argumentative in self-assertion and achieving thing)
Rebellious (challenges authority and perceived wrongs; willingness to break or bend rules for own advantage)
Aggressive (Enjoys causes discomfort or doubt in others)
Compulsive (Focused on details and getting things done correctly and accurately)
Suspicious (Distrustful of others; good at finding out what is wrong)
B. Relationship-Oriented
Avoidant (Wants to be with others but is afraid of judgment or rejection
Melancholic (Lives more in the past in terms of what was or might have been)
Dependent (Relies a lot on others to be taken care of emotionally or financially or in making decisions)
Histrionic: (Attention-seeking in terms of feeling connected to or wanted by others; in contrast narcissists are focused on being admired by others)
Negativistic (Very reactive to what others say or do—often suggesting or doing the opposite)
Masochistic (Accustomed to or some pleasure in being a victim or being put down)
Schizotypal (Belief in special powers or abilities to affect others)
Personality Types
Self-Oriented Other-Oriented
Schizoid Avoidant
Narcissistic Dependent
Paranoid Melancholic
Turbulent Histrionic
Sadistic Negativistic
Compulsive Masochistic
Antisocial Schizotypal
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